And the moment it changed...
Out for the next 30 minutes on what was described as an “easy run” swiftly turned into a race against time as I told myself I can run 5k in less in that. So of course uploading anything to Strava below 5k in this time was unacceptable. But why?
The tracking obsession
I’d become somewhat fixated on my training plan. The pacing. The splits. Ensuring they were descending to prove fitness. Being proud of my Strava uploads and the dopamine of hitting the pace I’d expected. Only for the same three people to like my post. So if it wasn’t for them what was it for?
When the data started lying
Sometimes the runs that look great on paper, weren’t the most enjoyable. I’d created a disconnect between why I went out and what I was gaining. A disconnect between the numbers and the feeling.
The joy of just moving. Running with my dog Richie. Easy miles that didn’t feel easy because you were watching the clock, watching the pace drop. The pressure was creeping in.
The shift
I decided to head out for a run with no watch, no music, just the sound of London sirens. Yes, that’s often the reality. But also hearing the sound of the river as I scurry past. The birds waking up. The sporadic moments of conversation you pick up on as you flutter past people on a morning stroll sharing what they’re going through.
Running was meant to be an escape for me. To be with my thoughts. To process feelings. To get a domapine hit. Or just not to be tied to a target like my day time job so often is.
But the tracking became another sales target.
The nuance
Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t quite tracking entirely. I still enjoy seeing my progress, that’s the beauty of running, just you and the pavement, feeling the fitness increase in your chest and seeing the proven results first hand.
But it’s about using the data when it serves me and doesn’t consume me. Using it as a guideline but also sometimes being free to not follow guidelines.
Closing
I run so I feel free. A free conversation between mind and body - not mind and watch. So what’s the closing thought? Sometimes ditch the watch. Leave it at home. Run somewhere new, look around. See what happens.
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